Driving in SriLanka

These observations come from being a passenger for a couple of weeks. One feels that you'd need some previous exposure to the environment before actually getting behind the wheel or handle bars (depending on your choice of exit from this existence). Whilst there maybe laws governing behaviour they seem to be generally ignored by everyone and instead protocols prevail. Keep left is the general life preserving action. Ideally the slower you are the more left you should be, however if this involves running rubber off the bitumen then everyone else can get stuffed. Suspect this is due to the potential damage that can be done to tyres on the often sharp edges of the tar. So even if there is an obvious smooth exit to the dirt and pending smooth entry back to the sealed road - nup not going to do it. Like many Asian countries the horn is used to advise of a pending manoeuvre. One short beep means "look out - here I am". Two beeps means I'm about to launch myself around you and then take over your space on the road. Three beeps means that you are either deaf or ignoring me but I'm going to do this anyway. Generally 3 beeps also means someone is going to need to change their underwear soon. Another long running signal of a pending passing action (not bowels) is the use of the right hand indicator. This means to all and sundry that I now have the express privilege to drive on the other side of the road (thus creating a new lane on the road) and all oncomming vehicles need to move over. Most do except in two circumstances : 1. When they would have to leave the bitumen. 2. If I'm bigger than you. Size matters. A TukTuk can bully a push bike or a scooter ( difficult considering they have very little acceleration). A car can bully a bike, a scooter and a TukTuk, possibly other cars as well but has very little impact on buses and trucks. When this is attempted despite this hierarchy there will be an inevitable change of underwear pending. This all means that just so long as you have your right hand indicator on you can pass as many people on the left as you like. Even if they are passing someone as well. Therefore at speed you often have 3 vehicles all hurtling down the road passing on the wrong side of the road and bullying those on coming to get to the left as much as they can. And no one seems to mind. In this case a multi-lane highway has mysteriously appeared. Therefore the white line up the middle is simply there for guidance. Chose to cross and be over it as long as you like - just be prepared to get back to the left if there is something significant coming at you. There often is. And the multi lane highway instantly vanishes. One vehicle type has priority over all others. This is a huge lumbering beast that farmers use to plow the rice paddies.It's effectively a motor mounted on two large wheels with a handle bar. They are sometimes also used to transport goods or people into town via a hitched on trailer. These are not registered road vehicles. Have no indicators, head lights etc. And little manoeuvrability. Everyone dodges around these things with seamingly quiet acceptance and patience. Brakes are very important. More so if you are lower in the hierarchy as it is inevitable that someone higher up is going to force you to use them. Oftentimes very quickly with only the warning of the horn that they are about to leap into your space - else people will perish. With a bang. So let 'em in you do. Without complaint. Because that's what nice people do. Regardless of rudeness of the perpetrator. Headlights are a key signalling tool as well. One flash means "here I am" - either about to launch on to the other side of the road or "hey look at me - I'm already on your side and rapidly heading at you - so move over". This gets messy when the dude you're heading at flashes as well. Once means "really? I've got much better things to do with my day than move across and let you through". Twice means "get stuffed - I'm bigger than you and ain't movin' across for you - you little pipsqueak". Therefore if you find yourself on the wrong side in a passing manoeuvre and up ahead there is double flash it means it's time to bully your way back into the crowd on the left you were bludgoning your way past in the first place. This situation also will result in change of underwear for at least one person involved. The local road engineering team have kindly put double white lines up the middle of the road where visibility is restricted. Say by bends or sharp corners etc. These are a signal to all and sundry that protocols must be strictly adhered to and reflexes need to be much quicker. The astute passer in these conditions will be able to sense whether the road is actually clear up ahead and overtake (horns in use etc.) despite not seeing what is coming around the corner. If in these circumstances if there is something coming the hierarchy applies. If it's a bus (highly probable) everyone has a lot of fun and more washing of undergarments is required. Narrow roads in the country are problematic to the unintiated due to the fact that all the protocols apply with no white line for guidance. There is generally only enough width on the tarmac for one average size vehicle and the edges are almost guaranteed to be tyre cutting. Even at incredibly low speeds everyone refuses to put even a bit off the road. The locals have developed a mechanism for dealing in the situation of a frontal standoff. This involves creeping past on an angle. Nervous drivers may retract their outside mirrors, experienced ones know better. This means as the vehicles approach each other they actually steer right slightly (yes counter intuitively) and just as they are about to hit full on both angle left. Somehow this works as they both slide past each other on the angle with millimetres between and passengers with clenched sphincters. Interesting norms have consequently evolved over the years due to these protocols. One example is the complete lack of the need to keep left if you are a slow vehicle on a quiet stretch. It's perfectly ok to drift as far to the right as you wish. No need to constantly check your rear view mirrors if you drive a TukTuk because if someone wants you to move out of the way they will beep. Often startling you out of your slow moving stupor enabling you to quickly head left and cast a filthy look at the bullocking overtakerer. Another courious conundrum occurs when slow movers actually want to turn right and are being approached from behind by a wannabe overtakerer. In this case the first instinct of the wannabe is to assume a three way passing manoeuvre is about to transpire. Of course if the one turning right actually starts to turn right and hears a horn they will generally stop and kindly let the person from behind through. If they don't there will be three beep scenario develop and subsequent laundry to attend to. So there you have it. A quick synopsis of the protocols of driving in SriLanka. Visitors should be aware of these before hitting the road as well as ensuring they have adequate clothing and/or washing capabilities. Many locals can be seen in the waterways and lakes performing this task. Often mid journey, and you can understand why.